So you may or may not have noticed that I took a little
break. It was not intentional but rather forced. Our laptop broke and even
though Myers thought he could fix it he could not. Right now I am hunkered down
on the floor like a Neanderthal using his mcguyvered version which btw is
really just throwing a sack of baby carrots on top of the power source so as to
now allow it to wiggle too much whilst holding my mouth very still and not
exhaling to heavily causing said bag of carrots to flop out of the way. It is
uber classy and may or may not have led to several lost documents and or crazy
outbursts full of swears.
So onward and upward .
We have been ground zero for boogers and snot the last three
weeks. It started with thing one and trickled through all the other three leggereds in our family. I
figured that it had skipped me on account of my female status, read I am not
gross and do not revel in all things of the vile variety- except gas cause let’s
face it rouge farts are pretty funny. I watched as our tissues and Sudafed use
went through the roof. At one point I was a little worried that someone might
think that we had a very tiny meth lab in our basement. I did my best to be
supportive while keeping all of my loved ones at arm’s length. I even considered
singing the boys their night time song over a walkie talkie but since I lost
the charger changed my mind. Brice was the last to get it and I thought we were
all home free but alas I counted my mucus free chickens a little too early. I
woke up last Tuesday a little congested and a lot uncomfortable but joined the Sudafed
train and went to work. Every day it got a little worse but I denied being sick
because If you say it aloud then you know it is true. Friday night I started losing
my voice and by Saturday I sounded like a honking chicken but I still held out
hope I was not sick. Then Sunday morning when I recreated a scene from the
gremlins in my bathroom sink I knew there was no denying it and reluctantly went
to the doctor. Luckily for us we have a clinic that is open on Sunday so while
the boys went to find Jesus I went to find out that I had pneumonia. Just for
fun I contracted a form that is not quite identifiable. It could be viral or it
could be bacterial but it was defiantly pneumonia. The doc said that if it was
viral it would be combated by zinc and then go away but if it was the other
kind I would need to go on antibiotics so he gave me a scrip for that and some
cough syrup and sent me on my way.
So there I was in the Walgreens croaking along like Kermit trying
to give the pharmacist my current dets. When
we got over the Q and A’s she informed me that the cough syrup prescribed was
not covered by my health insurance because it used to be over the counter. She
then tried to bilk me for 19 bucks for this crap. Mind you I am sick as a dog
and can barely breathe but you better believe I used all my strength to inform
her that was crazy and that I did not need the cough syrup that badly. Turns
out that the only thing stronger than pneumonia is cheapness. I asked for directions to the zinc lozenges
and walked away. It was like insult to injury when I got there because those
stupid cough drops were 6 dollars for 18 of them. For that kind of money I
could buy some really great chocolate and cross my fingers that this thing is cured
by the cacao bean. I bought the things
popped one in my mouth and slinked home. Halfway home my mouth stated to taste
like a gnome had died up in there and so I did the only rational thing I could
think of. I chewed that bugger and chased it with lots and lots of water. Twenty
minutes later I was nauseous and sweating and it was then that Brice discovered
that I had broken all rules of zinc consumption. Who knew there were rules for
these things?
So let’s recap, if you admit you are sick you will have to
pay a whole lot of money to take things that taste gross and make you sicker.
But on the upside you will get to watch a lot of really crappy fox TV. Wait crap that is also a punishment.
Sickness- helping no one ever.
