It has been brought to my attention by a few people that I have failed to write for weeks now. At first it was because my life was just a series of visits to the home depot and how exciting can it be to read about my budding relationship with Roger from plumbing? Then the problem became that I had yet to unpack and finish my new office. I had dreams of a custom designed desk that was pinterest worthy. Since I am said designer and Myers is the builder it is looking less like an envy inspiring work station and more like we went to the local dump and asked for a few sad scraps of wood and other random household junk and then glued it together whilst drunk. I am sure I am mostly to blame since I give instructions in fragments and then get bored if he asks what I am talking about and instead tune out to the Youtube. Either way it is depressing to work on and I have avoided it since acknowledging it means I might have to fix it.
Today though the dry spells ends.
Roughly six years ago our second Subby went to the shop for a new transmission. Every Wednesday when it is not finished I am promised that I for sure will have it next week and so it has been going. As I write Myers is at the shop trying to con them into giving us our vehicle back. This has meant that we are slumming it as a one car family. At first it was fine and we made do, but now it is just a giant hassle and I am starting to feel like I am a shut in. When I do go out to the store I drag my feet through the aisles thus prolonging my freedom. Thing one and two have officially run out of patience over this situation and now instead of balking at the idea of walking somewhere or riding bikes they actually agree to do it.
Today after I got home from work via my feet I asked them if they would like to go to the one o clock showing of Pan which is the PTO movie of the week. They declined and so I settled into my super grown up super fancy lunch of frosted flakes. Observe my lack of adulting skills whereas it becomes important later. At 12:51 they came downstairs and announced that they did in fact want to go the movie. I reminded them that we did not have a car and they both agreed to bike all fast and furious to the theater. I finagled my bike from the ceiling all by myself and since I didn't die figured it was a good omen and away we went.
I can't tell you the last time I pedaled that hard and my legs felt every inch of road but like true champions we made it by 1:01. The whole way there the boys agreed that missing the previews was actually a smart business move so you can imagine their delight when we walked in and found the lobby packed with other people who also must have decided three minutes before show time to hit the movies. Buoyed by other peoples lack of planning we stood in line for another 10 minutes. Finally it was our turn and we bought our requisite movie snack of two giant sodas and a giant popcorn. This is where our over confidence was punished by Karma herself. Fun fact once a movie starts finding a seat is about as easy as finding a seat in a coal mine. It was so dark in there that I may or may not have stepped on at least three babies and or three handbags. Jury is still out. We wandered up and down the aisle twice and realized there were exactly zero seats. A large number of kids were actually sitting on the floor which makes me think that I do have a shot at mother of the year after all since those kids moms are most likely wolves or bears.
I decided that there was no way that I was going to sit on filthy concrete for 90 minutes and went to the lobby to ask if we could get a refund and come back to the three o clock showing. I guess this has never happened because the kid looked at me as if I had asked him in a foreign language. I guess my loud voiced carried because soon there was a group of 25 of us with no seats asking the same question with another 25 in line still buying tickets. They originally said we could get a refund but then when they realized they were going to have to give refunds to 50 people they quickly changed their tune and instead agreed to open a second theater to show us the stupid movie. They corralled us to the other side of the building and told us to wait ten minutes.
The ten minutes outside in the lobby was paired quite nicely with another ten minute wait inside the theater we had been reassigned to. At this point kids were running out of popcorn and a juvenile riot was about to break out so they came and announced that they were in the process of downloading it to the main computer which could take an additional 20 minutes. We were fine since we bought the refillable popcorn and we all agreed to wait it out. 20 minutes turned into 30 and after waiting a full hour after the movie should have started we decided to cut our losses and bike home.
I went out and asked for the promised refund. The girl looked at me and said that's fine but I am not going to refund your concessions but I will refill your popcorn. At this point I had to remind myself that I am supposed to be nice in public to refrain from screaming I don't give two craps about the concessions what about the hour of my life I am never going to get back and or my lost opportunity at a nap! I declined the popcorn but the boys saw their opportunity to bilk them for more soda so I agreed to a refill on the beverages.
This is where things take a turn for the worse. It was only after I left the stupid movie house that I remembered that we were on bikes and that carrying out a popcorn tub the size of my head wasn't a good idea. An even worse idea was allowing Thing one and two to lug out not one but two giant beverages. The exit doors don't have exterior handles so I was stuck. Thing two hands me his soda and says here you carry this. I had to remind him that I had to carry the popcorn. Thing One missed this conversation so we repeated it word for word. They asked how they were going to get their liquid sugar home and I said ride one handed I guess. So that's what we did. Three giant monkeys each carrying on oversized concession for over a mile. This would have been a doable task but we live in crappy windy Idaho and of course the wind speed was over 20 miles today. My popcorn bucket became a source of wind drag that could condition me and help me win the tour de France iffin' I wasn't afraid of people looking at my Ken bulge. At every turn I had popcorn blown at my face and left behind a trail of artificialy flavored snackrels for the local vermin. By the time we got home I had lost a good portion of it making me realize that once again my cheapness is my curse.
So lets recap my lack of adulting skills lead to
I didn't get a nap, my kids didn't see a movie, my lungs burn from over exertion, and somehow someway the Paramount still made money off of me. Being responsible sucks. I am going to go back to the sixth grade..I can still rock purple stirrup pants right? Right.
