V is for very dumb ideas

Welp it is officially that time of year again when I spend weeks preparing at least six million valentines over the course of three weeks. The payoff of is that they are destroyed and forgotten exactly thirty two seconds after they have been received but those seconds in between are magical. I made the  mistake this year of watching videos on YouTube of people who are really really fast at their jobs. There was one woman who could wind spindles faster then a machine and another who could package playing cards at head spinning speeds. This led me to feel severely inadequate when it came time for me to fill bags with jelly beans. At one point I began to be discouraged over the thought that my slow tying skills would never be featured on a highlight real. After all who wants to watch a slightly advanced chimpanzee woman make valentines. It was then that I realized that I may have become a little delusional which is bound to happen when this is what you are looking at for hours on end.

That and my super incredible mother had just dropped off my super fancy table top that she refurbished out of wood she salvaged. I am still not exactly sure if it is even legal to take said wood but either way I got a new table. The varnish on it is still very fragrant so between the latex and the fumes  it is no wonder I had small visions of grandeur.
So even though I won't be featured in any videos any time soon I still finished these puppies up

It was only after amassing that giant pile above that I realized that perhaps giving a whoopee cushion to a grown adult who is in charge of educating my child was not going to win me any points so I spent a few more minutes creating special valentines for them.

I figured since I had won all sorts of mom points that I could do no wrong so today when the boys asked if they could get there bikes down to try them out I was like watch this not only am I going to create boss valentines I am also going to be a boss mom and allow it.
In my defense the snow has melted off the streets and has been replaced by puddles that are more akin to lake Wobegon then to snow waste and the wind advisory had been lifted. So away we went in thirty three degree weather. Things were going along just fine until we hit a bridge covered with slush and several inches of snow. I took the high road, literally,  the boy howdy's must have missed that little fact and before I knew it both of them were precariously navigating the obstacle. I would have like to have been a more attentive cheerleader but the aforementioned road was actually main street which has shrunk by a third by very ironical snow mounds so cars were whizzing by at incredibly close margins.

The crew, observe this stretch of road had zero snow, this is called vindication.

We made it to the grocer where I figured that I deserved some sort of reward for being a negligent mother and set out to buy some beloved Cadbury mini eggs. The only problem is they were asking way too much money and whilst I may not have been able to feel my face fingers or lower extremities I still have my principles so I left them on the shelf.
The ride home was pretty uneventful minus Myers almost catapulting over his handlebars when he got stuck between railroad tracks and severe mud. Thing One nearly lost control of his bike and carened into a snow bank at neck braking speeds which he later stated was the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to him. And Thing Two fish tailed into no less then 3 cars who luckily have more common sense then I have and were able to avoid him. Like I said uneventful.
It was only after we were safely tucked back into our neighborhood that I realized that the eggs were only fifty cents more then what they were on sale for. Turns out my logic is as good as my parenting skills.
Maybe I can find a few stray jelly beans. Fingers crossed.

Ice Cold

A few weeks ago we made a new addition to our house. After a whole lot of thought we decided that if we were ever going to increase our mileage the boys were going to need an upgrade in bikes. Especially since Thing One's upgrade was a massive mistake. We bought a K-mart mongoose which I believe is one of the fiercest animals in the wild kingdom. What we got was the fiercest piece of crap on the market.
So while other people were driving around with weather appropriate gear strapped to the tops of their roofs we were driving around with this.

I really thought that perhaps this was going to be the year that I would FINALLY be nominated for mother of the year but then I go ahead and buy bikes in the middle of the winter. The boys got to ride to the end of the parking lot and back and that was it. Thing Two got a little extra time whilst I was trying to coax my frozen fingers into actually tightening Thing One's down onto the racks which only broke his little boy heart wider open when he was forced to hand it over to me.
For a few days he kept asking if he could just put on his helmet and ride to the end of the driveway and back up but since out yard currently looks like this I was forced to say no.

To give you perspective that hill is taller then I am and I fear for our little sapling  in the spring since it has also almost been overtaken.
It is really difficult to try and rationalize with a daredevil and even harder to try to teach the principle of black ice which is what our entire driveway is.
There has been much weeping and wailing and every time we drive into the garage and see this there is more guilt lathered on in hopes that someday soon I will give in and just pay to have heads sewn shut.

The guilt is becoming so great that I am actually thinking about driving to Punxsutawney to punch stinking Phil in the face because punching a fictional rodent seems like the kind of rational decision I would make. You win winter you win.