redrum

welp summer has officially ended and week after week I meant to sit down and give an account of all the exciting things that have been going on in our house but then I saw something shiny and all hope was lost on ever actually getting that accomplished.
Things like

Winning not one but two signed balls at the Chukar's game. Thing One's was won after this was taken and after the sun had gone down so just pretend there are two there.

Or this

This is Thing One waiting to be seen at the Doctors office after shooting a brad nail through his finger at 60 psi. He strangely was more concerned about the pain of the tetanus shot he was going to receive. Kids are weird.
Or even this

This is the first day of SIXTH and FOURTH grade!!! When did I get old of enough for this garbage?

But the past is the past so I suppose we should all just move forward.
Yesterday we spent the morning working  on this little project

We are getting so close I can barely stand it. We started at 9 ish and by 2:30 I was still unshowered and completely tired and so I gave up. There is still no toilet and the shower is still not usable nor is the sink but it kinda of looks like a bathroom right?
What this picture does not show is the absolute torture it is to work with me. By hour 3 I think Myers was legit contemplating a divorce because I am demanding and lazy. A winning combination if you ask me. I usually just hover in the background pretending to work then fuss when things don't look right. Like the light being 7 inches off center that resulted in him having to flip breakers drill six new holes hold the light fixture up forever creating shaky arms then reattach it only to find it wasn't working and that the light box was still visible. This resulted in repeating all of those steps except the first one because the breaker was still off. When it finally got put up to my exacting standards and I went upstairs to flip the breakers the thing still wouldn't work. Turns out I hadn't flipped the right breaker. Add unobservant to my list please! Luckily he figured that out before he ripped everything back out.
After the whole ordeal and ignoring our children for half the day we agreed to be done and that he would go swimming with the boys while I ran a load to the dump and returned the work truck. While he was gone I did some soul searching and decided that I should try to atone for my crappy wife sins and decided that rather then catch up on Netflix shows I would instead mow the lawn as a I'm sorry I suck move.
I waddled over to the mower and then remembered that I needed to check the gas so I dutifully unscrewed the cap and found that it was bone dry. I was feeling pretty smart as I hefted our enormous gas can out of the garage. Normal people buy a simple red gas can from the CAL ranch to use. We are not normal people and instead use a can designed for power sports toys like four wheelers and motorcycles. This means it is way too heavy and the spout is like twenty feet longer then it needs to be and to try to use it is like trying to baptize a cat. Every time I have to fill it I spill approximately 3 gallons of gas on the grass. This time was no exception only this time I remembered to fill it on the driveway so as not to kill another patch of grass. Seriously our side yard looks like a patch work quilt of death. Again I was feeling pretty smart as I hefted that stupid thing back into the garage and started figuring out what I wanted to do with all of my bonus awesome wife points. Then I started the mower and things took an ugly turn.
The engine kind of sputtered to life and was not revving the way it should so in my evolved brain thought oh I know just tip it back a little and the gas will hit the lines faster. I did this and rather then roar to life like it normally does it coughed and stalled a little. Not to be outdone I left it there for just a second longer when the root of the problem became apparent. A mouse came flying out. That's not the truth pieces and chunks of mice game flying out.

I screamed and swore and paced the driveway trying to figure out what to do next. I elicited some help from a teenager to see if there were anymore mice under there and to see if he could find the head. When he gave the all clear I re-approached the machine with all the trepidation and disgust I had in me. I tried to figure out a way to push the mower using a broomstick whilst pushing myself on a skateboard so as not to touch or come anywhere near it but it didn't work out because you know science.
I am happy to report that I didn't cry the whole time all though I did strongly consider driving myself to the convenience store to buy a cigarette and a beer.  So lets recap. If you procrastinate writing about all the cute things in you life and then act like a butt Karma will intervene and give you something to complain about. You win Karma you win.