He pretended to look for the stupid thing for like six seconds and then went back to bed. Something I can't fault him for because it was three thirty in the morning after all. Once he had all of his faculties about him he proceeded to try to convince me that I had imagined it. This went on for almost two months and I started to question if maybe I had.
At the end of December my best friend Klepich came to stay with us and wanting him to be impressed by my hospitality I removed all the linens from his bed to wash them so when he laid down it would smell like fresh laundry. Imagine my horror when I found mouse evidence under the pillows. I tried to be livid but secretly I felt vindicated so I cleaned up the mouse mess and bought some traps. Some pretend research yielded that mice like chocolate and peanut butter and wanting him to be impressed by my hospitality I baited his death hotels with Lindt chocolate. He was not impressed and did not take the bait and to show his disgust wandered into my other two guest rooms as well.
At this point it is now personal and so I went back to the store and bought two more types of traps, did more research and baited those traps and then waited.
Even after all of this Old man Myers was trying to convince me that this mouse had existed but was now gone or dead or on vacation. His reasoning was that we now had three of the finest models of traps on the market, all baited with varying levels of mice delicacies and still no actions so obviously he was gone.
Again I was starting to question the existence but then this week I was laying in bed trying to decide if I was asleep when I heard myself talking so I knew I wasn't. I was asking about a noise and when my better half arose from his slumber and started to investigate it's origin the movement caused the weird gnawing noise to stop. This all but solidified in my mind every worst case scenario in the world. They were but not limited to a mouse crawling into bed with me and asking for a cookie. A mouse hurling himself in my general direction while holding a makeshift shiv made for the purpose of evening the score for killing his mouse cousin with a lawn mower. A mouse watching me sleep. Really the last one is the most terrifying of them all. Needless to say I didn't sleep that night.
In the morning it was decided that the mouse did exist and that it was living in the vents which is why he was not taking the bait.
So I did the only rational a thing a human being could do. I got this.
So far cat ownership is not going well for me. As soon as we brought her into the house she bolted under the bed. This resulted in Thing 2 and I trying to coax her out for over 20 minutes. He would get close and she would glare then walk to a section of the bed that was un- reachable. At one point I had placed ham on the gun under the bed and tired to lure her out using that. Oddly she didn't go for cold cuts offered up on the butt of a cameo gun. Looking back it's probably because the camouflage worked too well. Eventually we blinded me with the light on my cell phone and Thing 2 was dying of the black lung and she took pity on us an allowed herself to be caught. I immediately took her to the bathroom to bathe her. Turns out trying to give a cat a bath is a really crappy idea. Giving a sacred cat a bath is an even crappier one. She tried to bite me and I allowed her to because I was holding her talons down but things took a turn when she also got those free. At one point I think she had a whole finger in her mouth and three sets of claws in varying places in my arm. I was bleeding and screaming for backup. I was hoping for Myers to rescue me but Thing 2 showed up and on the advice of his brother offered this soaked angry cat some cheese. That bitch showed her appreciation by clawing him to. She was full on hanging from his arm which caused him to scream which caused her to freak out even more. Eventually the blood bath came to an end and the cat went back to hiding and I was grateful.
That night at family prayer I prayed that she would catch the mouse and Thing 2 laughed and asked mid prayer if I was really praying. I was and with no irony. Don't worry though she is paying us back for her rough entrance into this house by meowing at ear shattering decibels all night long.
So lets recap . I was right the mouse real and as a result here I sit scratched and paranoid. Somehow I don't think I am winning this round.
