Turns out the Obama administration passed an initiative that allows all fourth graders nation wide access to every national park for an entire year. The hope is that it will generate an interest in nature and dissuade the little tykes from spending inordinate amounts of time in front of screens. As an extra bonus it is a way to really tick me off since you know it's nature and all.
As one can imagine this has been a highlight of our fourth graders year and he carries his pass around on a lanyard and recites the rules of his pass to me at every opportunity. It has kinda of become white noise and I do the appropriate mom response of saying things like wow honey that's neat and sure thing pal we could totally do that sometime soon. During one of our little interchanges the excitement level reached fever pitch and as I was processing what was going on I realized that I had accidentally agreed to go out and chop down our own Christmas tree which turns out is one of the perks of the pass.
Since the fateful conversation he has given me a full list of all the reasons why this is a good plan. The first one being that he was going to save me money since you know I wouldn't have to buy a tree this year. He is conveniently overlooking the fact that I never buy a tree since I have an artificial tree that sits under the stairs all year long but who needs logic in a situation like this? Neither one of us had to work on black Friday so we decided it was as good a day as any to venture into the wild. Here is the account.
11:10- We all get showered and dressed and eat a sensible brunch of turkey sandwiches and left over pecan pie and then start to pack the car. It requires no less then 3 pairs of snow pants for two boys 5 pairs of gloves and 6 winter coats of varying heaviness. We then pull out of the driveway to buy a saw.
11:11- I remember that I saw a coupon for the ace and since we are trying to save money insist that we pull back into the driveway so I can find it.
11:13 -I now have the coupon in hand and we are really off
11:20- We check out at ACE after buying the only saw that they have for $8.10 thanks to my coupon
12:00- We arrive at the ranger station that we need to obtain our permit and Thing 2 is beaming at saving me $15.
12:01- We begin the back tracking to nature. That's right we had to drive all the way to Idaho Falls to pick up a pink tag to then turn around and drive back to Rexburg to chop the tree down. This is our government in action
12:41- We are back in our driveway so we can get a tarp to aid in the tree dragging process how it didn't make it in during our over packing phase is a mystery.
12:50 We have cleared the township of Rexburg and Thing 1 is already asking if we are there yet and starts pointing out anything that is green and could pass as a tree if you squinted.
1:23 We pass a ranger station in Ashton and I get angry inside
1:35 We are now in the Targhee National forest and now the trees are fair game. We turn on a side road and drive clear down into a snow filled canyon and find nothing but a few animal tracks which our boy scout wants to follow.
1:40- We have now left the canyon and found another trail that leads two feet into a field but see a tree and honestly contemplate just taking it
1:50- We are now on another poorly marked trail but we decide that there are enough trees to choose from and we exit the vehicle and gear up.
1:52- Thing 2 is confused about what our mission is and starts asking if we can scrap the tree idea and instead start a weasel hunting expedition.
1:53- I have to remind Thing 2 to stop swinging the saw around before some one gets hurt
1:54- I have to remind Thing 2 to stop swinging the saw around before some one gets hurt
1:55- I have to remind Thing 2 to stop swinging the saw around before some one gets hurt
1:58- We spot a tree and we think its perfect only to get to it and realize it is missing one whole side
2:00- Find another tree with the exact same problem as before but I am freezing since Thing 1 is wearing my boots and I am hoarse from reminding my child that he could kill someone and instantly lower my standards.
2:10- Timber! We have a tree but no weasel but we still call it a day
2:40- Stop at Walmart to buy a tree stand for $7.95 and cry a little when I realize that my money saving son has actually cost me more money then the tag goes for.
As a special thank you for freezing my yiblets off yesterday I was awakened first thing this morning by a panicked nine year old who needed to inform me before the sun was even up that his tree wasn't drinking. I am not at all looking forward to the next 30 days or so. Christmas who needs it?
No comments:
Post a Comment