Drugs are a drag

Years ago before I had fully grown into my beaver teeth I entered a pilot program called D.A.R.E. I was the first graduating class and I suppose it worked because I have stayed away from drugs for years now. Given that they had spent all this money designing a really crappy logo they have continued to educate the youths of America about the dangers of illicit drug use. Thing 1 is currently enrolled and I hear all about officer Scott but zero about the core of the subject.
Apparently this week is red ribbon week at Thing one's school. It used to be that they issued a crappy ribbon that you were required to wear all week that came with a standard micro sized safety pin that was no doubt the culprit in a few tetanus cases. Now it requires dressing up in various things to show your support of the anti movement, mainly because kids are soft and are too delicate to be stabbed on a daily basis.
Today was Disney day with the theory that you should be in your happy place and not use drugs. I really really wanted to tell Thing one that that is the dumbest thing that I have ever heard and then ask for a refund on my tax dollars that paid people to come up with that. Instead I feigned interest whilst he came up with elaborate ideas as to what he should be. The worst part is he is also supposed to come up with a Halloween costume this week as well and there is no way no how I am paying for 2 separate costumes even if it means that I am taking my chances of my kids developing some unsavory habit. When I realized I could procrasitante no more I decided it was time to get off my lazy can and throw something together.
So while he wanted to be the mad hatter which he said was easy and all it would take was spray painting a hat we don't own, wearing a shirt that is not made for general retail and donning a coat that has tails and large buttons I steered him into the direction of being Gaston which would require wait for it, one yellow shirt. Even better one yellow shirt from the DI that cost me five doll hairs. I did call on of my student employees and she graciously provided a belt for the ensemble. It turns out this was a slippery slope that I slide all the way down. In my extensive five minute google search of DYI Gaston costumes it occurred to me that he wears boots.  I figured if he was already wearing a girls belt we might as well commit and wear girl boots as well. I proposed the idea to which he said no way people will make fun of me for wearing girl boots. My come back was don't worry son I have enormous feet and no one will be able to tell that they are made for a girl. I realize now that I am a little ways away from the situation that this logic was in fact not sane since you know men don't wear riding style boots. The wheels were already set in motion so this morning my son left my house clomping around in size 12 lady boots in the name of staying drug free. Ironically this might just be what drives him to use while he is trying to erase the pains of being taunted for his choice in footwear.

So recap- even if you were the same size as a drag queen it does not qualify as men's wear and because of this faux pas my kid is dabbling in the world of cross dressing. Looks like I am going to remove my name from mother of the year ballot- again.